How to Lose Weight
By Houda Zahir
ENG 1300
You need to lose weight not only because you are tired, considered fat or ugly (and you are unhappy with this) but also because it is not healthy, so forget these bad words and follow some of my steps.
You may not believe it, but the most important issue is the diet. If you tried to lose weight (no matter how) and you did not succeed, this is the cause. You were not prepared and you had no motivation or there was always something stopping you to follow your diet and you forgot that you were on diet. If you are fat and unhappy about that, make up your mind. Go for it. Decide what you want to do with those extra kilos/ pounds. Do not consider the diet as you personal enemy; think that your diet is the best friend you will ever get. Follow its advice and you will feel like a winner.
The first day, for your breakfast, take one scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat two bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take one bite of toast, and then smear the jelly over your face and clothes. After that, during lunch, take four crayons, a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (3 sips only then spill the rest). Finally, during a dinner you can eat dry stick, two pennies and a nickel.
The second day, pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half a bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetal dye. After that, for lunch, take half a tube of “Pulsating Pink” lipstick and handful of Purina dog chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired. Then, for your afternoon snack, lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on the rug. Finally, take a rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril.
The third day, try to take two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub in hair. In addition, you can take glass of milk, drink half, and stuff other pancake in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterday’s sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, and put it on the cushion of your best chair. After that, take three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Conclude this third day; you can eat a dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, and some red punch if you want.
The final day, take a quarter-tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, and an olive. You can also take a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes; add a half-cup of sugar for your breakfast. After that, eat crumbs off kitchen floor and dinning room carpet for lunch. Finally take a glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate.
So, if you are dreaming of having a skinny body like the one you see in Victoria’s Secret's fashion show, you have to be motivated enough to follow these steps.